PSA – Public Service Announcement

Attention: Avoid Hurting Yourself Today. Stay in Bed. Do Not Give in to The Urge to Masturbate – You might pull a muscle. Eat Only Dry Solid Foods. Sleep Turned on Your Right Side to Avoid the Possibility of Having a Heart Attack. Pee into a Cup or Bottle. Bathrooms are DANGEROUS. Listen Only to the Weather Channel on the Radio.

Tomorrow you can hurt yourself; Meet People off Craigslist. Lick Electrical Outlets Because They Taste Really Good. Eat at Denny’s.